Many of our followers have asked to put this in a different place so it can be referenced (this was in regard to a post in our Facebook Group regarding homosexuality, where some misunderstandings amongst group members took place). We felt it more appropriate, since it was regarding sexuality and dating to post here versus our larger Bold Magazine Site:
My friends in the Bold Community and Plus Universe,
Happy Holidays, whether your holidays have passed, are ongoing, or are upcoming.
Over the past week, I wrestled with the notion that this group had been in conflict. I had a few options: ignore the thread that created the conflict, delete it and pretend it didn’t exist, contribute to the conflict, or address it, head on. I will tell you a bit about myself and an event that occurred when I was in college:
Always a journalist at heart, I read a letter to the editor in a very well known newspaper. The letter was from a traditionalist, commenting on two gay men holding hands in a picture in their publication. His last line was “I’ll ask that you keep their bedroom out of my living room.”
From my dorm room, I wrote a letter. I addressed this gentleman and told him that there was not a single reference to sex: just two men holding hands, in love. I told him that he was the one assuming bedroom activities and that we often oversexualize the homosexual population, assuming all they do is want to sleep with people of the same sex. As if it’s all they think about. There was more to the letter. I tried to dig it up, last night.
I was 20. I couldn’t legally toast what was about to happen. The letter was picked up by multiple well known newspapers. My family clipped it and saved it. I was so pleased that I’d made an impact. I grew up in a very conservative household. This was not something we did. My older family members grew up before the civil rights movement, on the streets of the Brooklyn racial conflicts of the 1950s-60s, the ones you see in movies. I’m proud of where I come from and the fact that i have formed my own opinions. I hope you are too!
Bold doesn’t pretend things do not exist. We (and I) are transparent. And, while you’re going to think I sound crazy at times, we’re building something that hasn’t been built before. You’re a very welcome part of our foundation so I thank you for being here.
Imagine if a man in this group was accused of “wanting to sleep with all plus sized women (including those under the age of 18),” because they preferred women of size.
What if a woman’s preference in black men, Latino men, men of size, men with higher education, implied that they just walked around all day wanting to have sex with whomever fit that description?
Bold is educated, inclusive, and kind. We will make mistakes. I have likely made some above. I am not nearly as educated on sexuality as I’d like to be. But, this group is for those in the plus universe to feel safe. it is not a dating group or a sexually charged group. If I’ve contributed to that atmosphere, I apologize. Somewhere, I must have lost my vision. Please excuse my temporary blindness and the future ones I will encounter. Even Superman misses a fire once in a while. I couldn’t have foreseen the offense that would have been taken by both the post and some of the comments. But, we really do strive to make this group more of an atmosphere of self love and community, less of a meetup and dating group. Our tag line for our events, “We don’t Bash, we BOLD” still holds true.
If one of your friends has left the group because they were offended, please do invite them back. Bring in the change makers, the ones who write letters to the editor. The ones who picket and pride themselves on being the only person in the room who does the right thing.
And, when you post or comment, please challenge yourselves to make a positive statement without over-sexualizing our BBW and plus communities. There is already enough of that on the interwebs. I’ll also do my best to steer this group in the right direction. I thank you for your patience.
TO EVERYONE in this group, you are valued and loved. You are heard and respected. You are BOLD. I cannot impose my views on you. I can simply tell those who don’t practice tolerance that we are all human and we are all learning about this crazy life together. Let’s make this group a positive place for plus people to unite, not divide. There are enough people out there trying to tell you that you are not of worth. Find your people, grab some carbs, and smile. Thank you for your energy and for taking a chance on a fledgling group trying to change the universe, one word at a fucking time.